red

i wanted to tell you everything…i wish you were that close to me so i could pour out my soul to you…but  i did not dare to let you see my tears rolled down from my face. we have a lot in common and so much things that we differ from, but it did not stop me from wanting me near you.  i couldn’t say more but to tell how important you are to me.

im goin home

i cant believe i am actually going home. it has been a year now since the last time i visited my hometown…i am a bit anxious though of everything…i pray for greater things this coming year… i pray for directions…clear leading from the Spirit…GOd you are indeed gracious to me…Thank you for allowing me to experience great things and  i know there is more to come…

dear mr garber

when you left for the US last dec 14…i am determined to forget everything that you have taught me…and even  forget about the good times that we had. even if those ” good times” just meant sticking my tongue out or sitting with you in the jeepney or in the van going to ministry places like Prison or feeding program for kiddos. and mostly when you offered me a piece of that doner and giving me away a pepsi…that moment when you told me about you and your daughter with the first class ticket…and even sitting with you at a restaurant with ate merc and nevs…you  taught me to be a daughter again…and a princess.

i am not about to send you this letter because as i have said i am not able to write something like this…however, i want to pour my heart out.  when i visited your account at facebook and saw you and heidi having a dinner date…i broke into tears,  i was wide  awake until 2.30 am…contemplating, and thinking and then crying. that was my first cry after you guys left for the US. thats why i dread moments when people leave… because i dont know how to ‘recover’ from the loss. i am so grateful for Daddy God that i was able to work with you guys…i dont know what to say anymore.

but here is what God told me ” Jabe, do you know why you were so affected by that picture? because you have learn to give up your biological father and learned to lean with me as your Papa God.

God bless.

:p

jabE :p

note: pls dont tell anyone about this blog…only 2 people know about this site. thank you.

destiny-gma

it has been a two-week tedious work for everybody. I, ate merc and nevs worked for destiny and global missions awareness team.  And today, i finally made up my mind to write a few of what’s in my mind and heart.

These bunch of happy americans < as they call themselves >  went here to be soaked in the culture of family.  In my perspective i was nervous to meet all this people since it is my first time to worked as a PA < personal assistant > in tagalog its personal alalay. hehehehe. But anyway, i signed up for this because i believe i will learn many things and also to unlearn some.

At first they were conscious but they were caught up with what the destiny have. they changed a lot since the day they came. from intimidating to accomodating. they were messed up with the culture of hugging and kissing the older people. the honor and respect for our leaders especially to our spiritual dads and moms.

saying good bye to them was easy but releasing them was hard. today i stayed at home contemplating on the last 2 weeks of spending time with these starbucks-addict people. i love them for being open to the new culture of  family. i honor their humility of receiving new things from God and for being  a family to us as well.

to the GMA team…thanks for sharing life. we’ll meet in the nations…God bless to you and your families…hugs.

ps. more blogs about this trip in the next coming days.

privilege vs. honor

It is a PRIVILEGE to go, but it is an HONOR to serve in the house.

marshmallow principle

As I was checking some videos on youtube, I came across of a clip there. The Marshmallow experiment. It was simple.  The adult tells the child that they can either eat the marshmallow now or wait until they come back, and as a reward, the child would receive another marshmallow for their patience. This Stanford marshmallow study showed 4 year olds delaying gratification were more likely to succeed in life. It was fun to watch those adorable kids.

While watching the video  I was also examining myself if I was one of the kids, would I wait or would I be lured right away with the marshmallow?  whew!

As I was watching, I was kinda reminded of  people  in the bible which depicts long years of waiting. To name a few, we have Abraham, Joseph, and Elijah. There are a lot more but their stories are extraordinaire.

So let me go back to the experiment, according to the statistics, 1 out of 3 4 year olds was able to delay gratification. Unknowingly, they would or they should be successful in his or her life someday. So if that kid waited then he or she thought of the other side, which of course to have another marshmallow as a reward. Now, is it applicable to everyone? Indeed!

I was actually seeing myself on the video as the red-haired girl. She did not even wait for the adult to go out of the room! She grabs the mallows instantly. hahaha.

Some tried to play with the marshmallow first before eating it. One tried not to look at it, while his hand trying to reach for the mallows. The little girl with ribbon on her hair eat small portion of it and eventually place the left over back to the plate! It was really hilarious.

Well, they might look funny, but more often we are like them! We are given instructions by God or for some promises. Just like the lady who told the kids she will be back  in few minutes or hours. Now,  God’s time is relative. His minutes might turned out to be days, weeks, months or even years for us! It is up to us what to do with the marshmallow we see on the plate.

Those visions, dreams and promises that are already on the plate might be doubled in the right time.  You longed for something more worth than what you can see in the “now”—marshmallows.

What would you choose? 1 marshmallow now or you will have 2 later?^_^

in addition to that…

For the last couple of weeks I have been experiencing weird things in the Lord. I worked as an online English tutor for Japanese and my work last till 12 midnight, only after that i have the chance to listen to podcasts or worship songs. For the whole month of June I have been experiencing God in a new level of intimacy. I have restlessness nights thinking what it would be like to actually hear His voice. And what would it be like if I could see His face. Indeed He brought me to places I had never ever imagine i can go to. Indeed only in our secret times with HIm we can fully feel HIs presence.

Constantly I was reminded of  my precious times with God when I was still very young then in my faith. I would cry out in the middle of the night. I prayed hard for my family and friends that they too will come to experience His undying love and forgiveness. I can even recall the times i had with Jesus where i would tell Him “give me a child or I die”.  I cried  so hard that it hit me to the core of  my being. God told me that at this season you will bear fruit. Again.  Again.

That was the word I kept longing to hear again. I will bear fruit again. That was awesome!

Okay, a little background,  I was supposed to go to cambodia this june right? But for some unfortunate reasons I was hold back. I took it as an offense to me at first but it gave me a new perspective of serving for the nations.  And so,  I chose to stay here and wait for the Lord’s instructions.

The stay was worth it because I had so many encounters with God. There were nights when He visited me in my bed and literally i can feel the heavenly presence. I can even smell the aroma. I thought it was like a dream or maybe I am loosing my mind but there was so much peace inside and  i can literally feel Him covering my whole body with His thick presence. I can even sense that every single strand of muscles in my body is trembling. The feeling was weird but I allow Him to fill me because I so empty.

The following morning my cambodian contact An ny who accepted Christ a couple of months ago texted me and ask me if  I could go with her on an International gathering. That was surprising but I already knew it though. Now, I am beginning to understand that serving nations is not just going to the promise land. That even to where you are rooted means you have a purpose. Remember the boy with 2 fishes and 5 loaves, he  was used for that specific purpose for what he has, not what he don’t have. The same with what  I have right now. Not going to nations will not stop me from discipling nations here.  It is indeed an honor to obey what God orchestrated. i would rather be like that boy who allowed Jesus to use whats in his hands.

it has been a long while

it has been a long while i was not able to write. It has been a crazy and outrageous journey for me.  I don’t even know where to start. Let me start from the-not-so-beginning…

It was May of this year that  I wanted to go to the so called nations….I call it that way because  I believe  I was called for this purpose. To be set in a foreign land where God will show me His glory. It was a greater journey to be set out  and be a blessing to the nations.  I exhausted every thing to go to Cambodia, I even sent copies of my resume to Malaysia. Two nations are at hand and waiting to be reached. I exhausted myself in doing ministry work. I quitted my job as a supervisor in an agricultural company which was a shocked to my leaders.  Some were surprised about it including my parents andsome friends.  But in my mind it will be worth it. I never doubted and just let things happen the way it has to be.

June passed and  I am still waiting. It was heartbreaking when people asked me why am I still here.  It was agony on my part but I chose to hide what’s inside my heart. I cried hard when my leaders “turn their back” on me. I was left hanging, with nothing to do and no one to cry with.

It was foolish to continue. I hide myself in the lies of the enemy, that I was helpless and my purpose had been forfeited. I loathed into the thinking that the promise i held on for so long  has been taken away.  I want to turn my back on the calling God  has placed in my heart. I was ready to just go back home and look for other options. That maybe, just maybe nations is not my kind of thing.  But it was foolish! Rivers of tears flowed, unvoiced words were coming out of my mouth, and revelations keep coming. I began to realized that it is about the timing.  That there will be a great purpose why I was rerouted. God has placed a detour on my so called journey.

cadbury experience

i went home last december 24-januar6.  it was  a great experience for me and my family, i mean at least for my mother…hehe. i was eager to meet my nanay…i never  told her the date i was planning to come home. so it was kinda a surprise for her. it was so traffic along SLEX.  it took me 3-4 hours to get to manila! man that was heavy…hehehe.

as i was on the bus…i was thinking of God’s plan during that season. deep in my spirit i can sense there’s somethingthats gonna happen either on me or to my mother dear. my heart beats faster as i was close to naia terminal. i was asking God if He could do a little miracle on the airport for me. i recall daddy Leif Hetland’s experience as he was given a headset from a teenager while waiting for his boarding schedule from an airport in the US. i said to my self or rather to God…LOrd do something tonight for me so i can confirm that You will do great in my family…

10pm passed and nothing happened.

11pm i had a chit chat with a woman from cebu…i was thinking…this could be it??? what is she going to give me…or what will happen to our conversation??? but sadly nothing extra ordinary…

and so i decided to check in at 2.30am. at 3.30 i was at the pre departure area…i was not looking for any extraordinary experience anymore.  i was just praying hard for my mother that hopefully when i get home she will be delighted to see me. hehehe. of course she should! wehehe. and of course i asked God to give me courage to share the faith i have in Jesus. hayyy…

as i was sitting at one of the non-occupied chairs at the pre departure area, this girl asked me if she could sit near me “of course”  my response. then ask me if i am for cagayan de oro. i said yes with a non-enthusiastic voice ( i was so sleepy then) hehehe. then she started telling her own story…so i was just listening to her. after 2 minutes or 5 she gave me a big cadbury!  i was surprise ofcourse. for her it was nothing but for me it was “something”…then i lost her as we board the craft. i didnt even get her name! thank you who-ever-u-are. hehehe

inside the craft , though i was so sleepy i cant stop thinking about the cadbury experience…i then began to thank God for the things He is about to do to my mother.  i am so excited to see her now and the things God is about to do in her life.

nakaw

nakaw means stolen.  it was a perfect friday morning. nothing so inordinary. until i found out and saw kuya edgar < boy seller> inserted some 22 pesos in his pocket. i was horrified!

i immediately opened the surveillance cam, to my shocked it was not recorded. my gulay! however i was sure he placed the money in his pocket. i confined myself  in the office until i found myself asking kuya what had happened.  i told him  that amount you can be fired. here and now. without a word from his mouth, he took the 22 pesos from his pocket and gave it back to me. weird. i wasn’t expecting that!

i dread those moments…badly…of course my boss knew what had happened. so he talked to kuya and had no choice but to fire him. was it my fault? i guess. 

 i still dont understand why i got to know things people hide.  but anyhow, i guess it is natural talent. wehehe. sometimes  i got to know someones feeling for somebody. specific persons. hahaha. sometimes in dreams. its crazy you know.

i call it “nakaw”.  stolen moments from people i know. i stole their secrets. hehehe. 

what do you think?